


Something Cosmic

by DaniPayson



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:10:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniPayson/pseuds/DaniPayson
Summary: Taking place in 2003, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder are hiding out in New Orleans and they happen to bump into an old friend.





	Something Cosmic

Maybe New Orleans wasn’t the best place for fugitives on the lam to hold up, but it had been a year and things seemed pretty quiet on the fleeing from the law front and we figured it was safe to try new surroundings.

 

In June

 

Not so much.

 

But the townhouse was cheap, we paid in cash – like everything for the past year - and for about the last year were known as Michael and Sara Johnson. Mulder even found a man to make us fake drivers’ licenses for a grand. He also made me four years younger, for that he got an extra Ben Franklin.

 

If someone saw me walking down the street they wouldn’t even recognize me. Hair a mess of blonde curls, thanks to the extreme humidity, enough makeup to put Tammy Faye Baker to shame – when it WASN’T so damn humid - and a wardrobe that was not government issued. On this particular humid Friday, I was wearing a long pink – yes, pink – sundress with multicolored flowers that tied around the neck. The kind of dress where you couldn’t wear a bra, not that I wanted to in this heat anyway. I seriously had a Sex and the City vibe going with my new identity. No one would ever guess by looking at me now that I could kick their ass. Also, on this particular Friday I had been separated from my partner in fleeing for the entire day. Not something I was very used to, but I needed to meet with my mother who flew in from DC to Baton Rouge to assure her I was ok. Something that wasn’t exactly safe to do, but I needed to see her. We had lunch, we talked, we laughed, she said she liked how refreshingly happy I seemed, we hugged, said our goodbyes and she got back on the plane while I got back in the car and drove back down to our temporary home. It was now six pm, given the long drive back thanks to early weekend traffic, and Mulder left a note on the front table to meet him at Clancy’s. It was a local pub we hung out at every Friday night. We really didn’t know anyone there, it wasn’t Cheers and certainly no one knew our names, but it was fun to get out and interact without anyone really knowing who we were. After reapplying a bit of makeup, bubblegum pink lipstick to put any real thirty-nine-year-old woman to shame, a touch of lavender eye shadow, my four-inch pink – yes, pink – heels and I was out the door. I even had a little pink clutch to match. One not big enough for a gun, and for once that felt honestly reassuring.

 

Since it was within walking distance, I got to the bar around six thirty and I saw him sitting there, at the end of the bar in his khaki board shorts, his blue polo – the man could certainly pull of a polo – chewing on a coffee stirring straw as he watched the ice in his drink melt.

 

He didn’t see me, and given my absence from him for the last twelve hours I felt particularly…. frisky…and took the long way around the bar until I was behind him. The bar stools had backs, which was probably a good thing, so wrapping my arms around his waist didn’t feel as good as it could of but it still got his attention and a moan out of him.

 

“Did you miss me?” I asked in a playful tone, resting my chin on his left shoulder.

 

“You have no idea.” He sighed, “Every second we’re apart I panic.”

 

I couldn’t help but smile and let go, hopping up onto a stool right next to him, “I’m ok. And I understand.”

 

Mulder nodded and picked up his drink, taking a full swig, shuttering a bit from the taste and placing the empty glass back on the bar, “Another.” He said to the bartender, Tom, who nodded and gave me a small wave.

 

“Thanks for letting me go.” I said softly before Tom brought Mulder another shot and a cosmopolitan for me. I did say I was in a Sex and the City mode.

 

“I knew it was important.” He replied looking over at me then seeming a bit startled, “Never seen that dress before.”

 

“I got it the other day. Remember when you gave me five hundred bucks and told me to buy whatever I wanted?”

 

“That cost five hundred bucks?”

 

“I got shoes too!”

 

“You’re going to drain my inheritance, woman.” He said winking.

 

It wasn’t possible to drain it. Even though he refused to tell me exactly how much money he came into when his parents  - well at least one was biological - passed away, I knew we were set for a very, very long time.

 

“I’ll work for my spending money.” I said taking a sip of my drink and putting it back, “You don’t want to be my sugar daddy?” I honestly couldn’t believe those words came out of my mouth. It was the hair. I had bleached my brain.

 

Mulder nearly choked on his bourbon as I uttered those words, he turned to me and gave me a quizzical look, “Who are you and what did you do to my wife?”

 

Wife

 

That threw me for a loop.

 

Taking a longer, thicker, stronger, hit of my drink I shook my head and placed it back on the bar.

 

“In this universe you are you know.” Mulder continued, sensing my…shock.

 

I nodded, “I know. Just hearing it out loud was just. A lot to take in.”

 

He smiled and nodded as well, “I know. It’s ok. We couldn’t really get married anyway, so pretending is about it.”

 

This fact was true, and I knew it hurt him more than it hurt me and I hated myself for feeling that way. He was all I wanted for the rest of my life, either with a piece of paper or without. Giving him my best smile, I finished my drink and ordered another, forgetting that all I had at lunch was a cranberry walnut salad.

 

I didn’t want to ask him how much he had to drink because I didn’t care. The bar was dark, as all bars generally were, and after Tom brought me my drink I proceeded to turn, throw my right leg over Mulder’s lap and pull the rest of my body on top of his thighs straddling him.

 

The drink he was holding to his lips was frozen in time as I brushed a couple strands of hair out of his eyes and put my arms around his neck. He quickly swallowed the golden liquid before placing the empty glass on the bar.

 

“This is a new development.” He said adjusting himself.

 

I smiled and nodded before leaning in, taking hold of the end of the coffee stirrer and pulling it out of his mouth.

 

“Very new.” He continued, swallowing hard.

 

I smiled and took the stirrer out of my mouth, placing it on the bar next to his empty glass, “My mother said I look happier now than she’s ever seen me before.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

I nodded, “Thinking about it, she’s right. I have everything I need. Right. Here.” I continued as I wrapped my legs around the barstool, locking my ankles together.

 

He swallowed again and watching the muscles in his neck move just made me squeeze tighter. I felt such a power over him, I guess in a way I always had this power. Leaning in I ran my tongue from the base of his neck up to his chin, taking in every inch of the salty taste before leaning back against the bar to face him again.

 

“Was lunch with your mother of the liquid variety?”

 

I smiled and shook my head, “You know I’m the last person to drink and drive.”

 

“But I’m not used to this.”

 

“Me neither.” I said before leaning in to take his earlobe in between my teeth as I ran my hands through his hair. “Seems like the best reason to do it.”

 

I felt something move under me and felt a shiver through my body, leaning back again I narrowed my eyes at him, “Well…hello.”

 

He swallowed, again, and his eyes began to dart around the bar, “We can’t do this here.”

 

“Why not? Someone obviously wants to.”

 

“I’m starting to think you’re drunker than I am.” He quipped back.

 

I leaned back further to grab my glass, taking in the bitter yet sweet nectar and relishing in the feel of it numbing my throat and inhibitions as it went down. After returning the empty glass to the bar I placed my hands on his neck and looked him deeply in the eyes.

“It’s not the alcohol that does this to me. It’s you. It’s always been you.” I then looked down, feeling this was not the time to be romantic in a crowded bar wanting to do something that could get us arrested in just about every state and country, I then returned my eyes to his and smiled, “And I want you right here, right now.”

 

“We’re like two blocks away from home.”

 

“I don’t care.” I said sternly pushing myself harder against him, “Here. Now.”

 

I felt the shift under me again, someone wanted to come out and play, but I was still seeing nothing up above, “What if we get caught?”

 

“Then we get kicked out.” I pushed into him again, “Like I care if I ever see these people again.” I turned around and gave Tom a smile.

 

He nodded and winked before turning back around to a new couple who approached the bar, “No one is even paying attention to us.”

 

“How could they not, look at you!” Mulder said exasperated, “I’ve honestly never seen you this hot. Well recently.”

 

I bit into my lower lip and dug my nails into his neck, “Then I would think you’d seriously want to…you of all people…”

 

Slowly I removed one hand from his neck and traced it down his shirt to the button of his shorts, continuing to dig my nails into my lower lip I eyed the crowd around us which was oblivious and pulled the zipper down. My eyes were on his as he eyed the crowd as well, moving his hands to my sides and gripping my waist. Giving another quick glance around before reaching in and grabbing hold of his hard cock. He groaned and closed his eyes as I began to move my hand up and down it feeling increasingly hotter as the chance of being caught increased. This wasn’t me. And I liked it.

 

Leaning in I kissed his ear, “Slouch down.” I said softly.

 

He didn’t speak, only gave me a small nod and while still holding onto me scooted down a bit in the stool to give me easier access. Bringing my lips to his and kissing him hard and deep I used my free hand to grab hold of the back of the stool and move myself up until I was directly over him. As we continued to let our tongues twirl around each other I slid his cock into me as I slowly returned to my previous position. Removing my mouth from his, I leaned back again and took a look around the room. Nothing. No one was even looking at us.

 

“Open your eyes.” I said to him.

 

“I can’t.” Mulder replied.

 

“Yes, you can.”

 

He opened one, slowly, and then the other, noticing also that no one was even giving us the time of day. I gave him a wicked smile and returned my hands to his neck, “No one even noticed.”

 

“But we haven’t done anything.”

 

“You’re inside of me.” I said in a low almost purr.

 

“I noticed that.” He replied, “But that’s only part of it.”

 

An evil smile crept over my lips, “No one will notice a thing.” I said as I began to tighten my muscles around him and rhythmically move my hips in slow and rhythmic yet unnoticeable to others circles.

 

“Fucck..” He moaned closing his eyes.

 

The smile grew as I continued and leaned closer to him, “You don’t have to do all the work you know.”

 

“Uh huh.” He swallowed again.

 

I turned and looked a Tom, still oblivious, and asked for refills. He quickly delivered and I grabbed the shot glass and turned back to Mulder, “Drink.” I said holding it in front of his parched lips.

 

He obliged and let me pour it down his beautiful mouth which begged for more attention. Returning the glass to the bar I took his face in my hands and returned my lips to his, shoving my tongue deep into his mouth taking in what I could of the bitter beverage as my muscles and hips continued to do what they could to make this moment last. Usually the man could go for hours, but apparently the fear of getting caught, the alcohol and who knew what else had gotten to him and I felt him squeeze my waist tighter and by now I knew what that meant. I kept my mouth on his as he groaned into me, and as the moment passed I felt a strange new power, to get him to do something he had never done before. The rest of our days together were open to so many new possibilities.

 

When I knew he was…done…I leaned back again and smiled demurely, batting my eyelashes at him, “Was that really that scary?”

 

He shook his head at let go of me to wipe his brow, “No, it wasn’t”

 

I gave a small giggle, and turned, taking a large sip of my lost my count beverage. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.” I said stretching and releasing him from my…reins.

 

He nodded again and helped me off of his lap. I even caught him watching me as I kind of stumbled my way to the bathroom.

 

After freshening up I looked up at my reflection in the mirror and realized I honestly wasn’t that recognizable anymore. Which was…the point. I looked like some overly made up beauty pageant...person. Not someone who spent most of her years in school forgoing frat parties for all night study sessions to keep up that perfect 4.0 average to please daddy. I guess in a way having to leave my old life to be with the man I loved was a way of getting a chance to live the life I missed out on.

 

Upon leaving the rest room I could see the back of Mulder, and a dark-haired woman sitting next to him. He seemed to be enjoying whatever conversation they were having and this concerned me greatly. Annoyed I returned with my head down and sat in my seat, grabbed my glass and downed what was left of the crangoodness.

 

“Sara…” Mulder said, obviously used to calling me that by now and said it in an almost fatherly way, “Look who I ran into, or who ran into me.”

 

I lifted my head to see a very familiar face staring back at me, “Monica?” I said gasping.

 

“Hey Da…Sara.” She smiled back handing Mulder what looked like his new fake driver’s license.

 

“What are you doing here?” I asked puzzled.

 

“I moved back down here about three months ago. Just a coincidence that I just happened to come here the same night as you guys.”

 

“We’re here every week.” Mulder replied nodding for a refill.

 

“I see.” Monica said drinking her simple beer, not a hard drinker like we turned into. “At least you two seem to be doing well; we’ve been concerned.”

 

“Concerned how?” I asked …concerned.

 

“Given the circumstances. It got to the point I didn’t even want to be there anymore. I moved back here, John moved back to Texas. We all pretty much scattered. Went our different ways. Glad to know you two stayed together.”

 

“Why wouldn’t we?” Mulder now asked in the same concerned tone.

 

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t know either of you well enough. I’m sorry I said it. Let’s just stick to…good to see you.”

 

We both nodded and returned to our drinks. Monica obviously seemed uncomfortable and slowly moved away from the bar to a table in the back.

 

“Now I feel horrible.” I said fingering the rim of my drink.

 

“Me too.”

 

Sighing in sync we picked up our drinks and followed her to booth in the back, sitting down across from her.

 

“Let’s start over.” I started placing my drink down, “It’s good to see you.”

 

Monica smiled, “You too.”

 

“Just any mention of the past pretty much bums us out.” Mulder said in layman’s terms.

 

“More like depresses the shit out of us.” I added.

 

“Understandable.” Monica replied, “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

 

“It’s ok.” I smiled back placing my hand on hers, “You didn’t know.”

 

“You look really good Da…Sara.” She said catching herself again.

 

I sighed and leaned back, “Guess blondes do have more fun.”

 

“No, it’s not your hair, there’s just a glow about you. You seem…complete.”

 

“Complete?”

 

“Maybe it’s because I only really knew you through such sad times, but you seem to not be carrying so much sadness, and anger.”

 

“I guess I’m not.” I said, given I probably wasn’t now because I was intoxicated.

 

Monica took another sip of her beer, “So, what brings you to these parts.” She said changing the subject the best she could.

 

“I think it would be interesting to live in random places we normally wouldn’t live in.” Mulder said, “We’ll probably do Orlando next.”

 

I rolled my eyes, “Eventually we’ll be settling into a normal routine.” I added looking at Mulder, “We’ve been told things are dying down back..there..and at least I can return to a normal life probably within a few months.”

 

“This isn’t normal?” Mulder questioned.

 

I smiled, the memories what happened not twenty minutes earlier still on my mind, “This is a different kind of normal. This is Michael and Sara.”

 

“I like Sara.” Mulder growled, “She’s kinky.”

 

I was drinking when he said that and nearly spit out my beverage, eying him to remind him we had company. He winked back and I realized that he didn’t care. Looking at how Monica was smiling at both of us I realized I didn’t really care either.

 

“Nice to see you’re a lot more open about your relationship than you were when I first met the two of you.” Monica said taking the last sip of her beer.

 

“Things are different now.” I added, “Remember no past talk. The past is the past. Gone. Finito. No more.”

 

Monica gave a small laugh and nodded, “I understand.” She then finished her drink and got up, “I’m going to get another, do you two need any?”

 

Considering I had had...three…Mulder had had…five…maybe…we probably didn’t, but I was in a mood and nodded.

 

“Out of all the bars in the bayou she had to come walking into ours.” Mulder said finishing off his drink.

 

“I like her.” I said defensively.

 

“I do too; it’s just strange and highly coincidental.”

 

“She worked down here for years; it’s a well-known bar. Don’t start getting paranoid. AGAIN.”

 

“I’m not.” Mulder sulked before placing his hand on my thigh, “I think I liked you a lot better thirty minutes ago.”

 

“Stop pissing me off and you’ll get her again.”

 

“Is that a promise?”

 

“Do I ever break them?”

 

“Never.” He said giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before Monica returned with a tray of drinks.

 

“I figure, might as well keep us covered as we catch up.” She said placing two each in front of us.

 

“Enabler.” Mulder said.

 

“I’m off duty. I can do whatever I want.” Monica smiled sitting back down across from us, “I forgot how much more relaxed it was down here compared to DC.” She picked up her glass and looked at us both, “Sorry. Past talk again.”

 

Mulder shrugged and got more comfortable, “No, you’re right. It is. I don’t miss it.” He took a shot from his glass and groaned, “Oh it’s gone to my brain.”

 

“Took long enough.” I said playing with the little straw in my own.

 

“You guys really do this every week?” Monica asked.

 

“What else is there to do?” I asked her honestly, “Not like we can hold down jobs, or make friends, it’s just us. We wake up, we eat, we drink, and we sleep.”

 

“I think you’re leaving something out there.” Mulder said nudging me.

 

I felt myself blushing and shrugged him off, “That’s implied.”

 

Monica nodded, “I could assume.” She took a large sip herself. “Once again, I’m just glad to see you so …I don’t want to say it but, happy.”

 

“We’re happy, in our own weird ways.” I said taking a sip as well feeling I really needed to numb my brain and watching how the man next to me was closer and closer to having his eyes roll back into his head.

 

He rested his head on my shoulder and I knew it was close. “Guess he didn’t need the next one.” I smiled patting him on the head as he mumbled something incoherent.

 

“Kinda cute seeing him like that.” Monica noted.

 

“He usually knows his limits, but he started before me.” I said taking his last shot and downing it myself, “He’s cut off.”

 

“I just stick to beer, keeps me from getting hung over.”

 

“I generally don’t get hung over.” I replied, “Just…tired.” I said changing the word I was going to use.

 

“He’s not going to pass out or anything is he?”

 

I shook my head, “No, he does this for about ten minutes, then we can get home and to bed before he’s out. It’s a system we’ve pretty much mastered. Sad. But it works.”

 

So, for ten minutes we sat silently, finishing the drinks before us as I felt my shoulder going numb. Fifteen minutes later the drinks were gone, and he was still out.

 

“Shit.” I groaned, “He’s out cold.” I reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet and a hundred-dollar bill, “Give this to Tom. No change.”

 

Monica took the money and went to the bar, “He wants to know if you need help getting Mu...Michael home.”

 

I shook my head. Even though we basically lived at this bar we didn’t want anyone know where we actually lived. “I’ll figure it out.”

 

Gently I pushed Mulder off my shoulder and against the window. His head clanked against it and he was still out.

 

“Monica, can you get me a glass of ice?” I asked realizing very few things would awaken him now.

 

Quickly she went to the bar and came back with a cup of ice.

 

“You’re not going to put it down his pants, are you?” She asked in a giggle like tone.

 

“No frat boy tricks here.” I replied placing two small cubes in my mouth.

 

I turned Mulder’s passed out head towards mine, luckily his mouth was a bit open so I could easily kiss him and let the ice fall out of my mouth and into his. Getting on my knees I took his head in my hands and did precisely that. The kiss lasted longer than I expected and I realized then he wasn’t out at all as his hands grabbed me and swung me back onto his lap.

 

“Round two?” He winked, biting down on the ice cubes.

 

“You suck.” I replied swatting at him, “I really thought we were going to have to carry you home.”

 

“That could be interesting. Want to try it anyway?”

 

I growled and pushed myself off his lap, grabbing my purse, and turning to Monica, “Do you have any plans? We’d actually love for you to see the place, be able to talk more openly.”

 

“I’d like that.” Monica replied grabbing her purse as well.

 

I had gotten used to walking home in an intoxicated state in four-inch heels on cobblestone sidewalks and with Mulder’s arm around my shoulders as we made our way back to the townhouse.

 

I did the honor of unlocking the door and turning off the alarm, because I knew Mulder was close to being out for the count and fumbling in his pocket for keys would take too much out of him. We entered the home and at least he had the ability to close and lock the door before stumbling to the couch and falling on his back.

 

“Ten feet, I’m impressed.” I said placing the keys on the coffee table in front of him.

 

“I can do more than that.” He said grabbing my arms and pulling me on top of him.

 

“Mulder, we have company.” I said looking into his near dilated pupils.

 

“She can watch, or join.”

 

Groaning I pushed myself off of him and turned to Monica, who was standing by the staircase, her hands in the pockets of her slacks.

 

“I’m sorry, he gets like this.” I said looking back down at him, “Always.”

 

Mulder shrugged and put his arm under his head, “I think the woman who just performed her first act of copulation in a public place has no room to talk.”

 

“You what?” Monica asked her eyes wide.

 

I growled again and shook my head, then turned and eyed him, “Who said it was the first.” 

 

With that I got up off of him and walked over to Monica, turning to see the exasperated look on Mulder’s face.

 

“I’m hurt! I wasn’t your first drunken bar stool fuck?”

 

“Well you were that yes.” I said crossing my arms, “But I had many the moments in college you know nothing about, sir.”

 

“And I thought I knew everything.” Mulder sighed.

 

“You know everything that matters.” I replied walking back over to him.

 

I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, “You just stay here for the night, Monica and I will go upstairs and talk.”

 

Mulder managed a small nod, “Fill me in on everything in the morning?”

 

“Always.” I smiled and stood back up watching as he smiled and closed his eyes.

 

There were so many layers to this man, and I loved every one of them.

 

Monica followed me into the kitchen where I went to the wine cooler and pulled out a bottle of merlot.

 

“Why do you go out if you have a bar here?” She asked in a kind of laughing tone.

 

“Because sometimes it’s good to get out around people, even if you don’t talk to them.” I said taking two wine glasses out of the cupboard.

 

“I guess I can understand that.” She replied as I handed her the glasses. “I don’t really have an active social life either. People around here always thought I was …weird. More so in DC.”

 

“Spooky?” I joked back taking the wine opener – the 200 dollar one – out of the drawer.

 

Monica sneered and looked over at the lump on the couch, “Yeah, I heard a lot of Fox Mulder in a dress thrown my way.” She laughed and returned her eyes to me, “I considered it a compliment.”

 

“As would I.” I replied.

 

After getting the cork out of the bottle, which still took too much effort given the expensive screw, I tossed it in the fishbowl with all the others and proceeded to the staircase, taking a quick moment to check on the man on the couch to make sure he was still breathing. Which he was.

 

We then walked up stairs and into the master bedroom and unmade king-sized bed.

 

“Pig.” I said placing the bottle on the nightstand, “I don’t think he’s ever made a bed in his life.” I remarked as I did what I could to pull the sheets up and make the bed look presentable.

 

“You’re very obsessed with appearances aren’t you Dana?” Monica said sitting down on the chest at the end of the bed.

 

I stopped fluffing the pillow and looked at her, “Is that how you see me?”

 

Monica shrugged, “I didn’t mean it as an insult; you’re just very…organized.”

 

“My father was in the military. I grew up with rules about beds made and shoes facing the door in the closet. You just get used to things a certain way.”

 

“Bet it makes living with Mulder hard.”

 

I shrugged and sat down on the still partially unmade bed, hugging the pillow against me, his pillow, his side of the bed, his scent… “It’s worth it.” I replied.

 

Monica smiled and nodded, “I’m sure it is. You gave up your life for him so I really wouldn’t expect any other answer.”

 

“I didn’t give up anything.” I replied playing with the do not remove by penalty of law tag on the pillow. It was a joke but at this point in our lives we weren’t taking any chances.

 

Monica nodded again, “I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

 

“I knew what you meant.” I replied tossing the pillow back on the bed, “It can stay unmade.”

 

Monica laughed a little, “Bet that was hard.”

 

“You have NO idea.” I laughed back grabbing the bottle and standing up.

 

I poured some in the glasses Monica was holding, then took one and returned to Mulder’s side of the bed, sitting down and looking at her, “When you love someone, you’ll do whatever it takes to be with them and protect them.”

 

“I know.” Monica looked down at her glass.

 

“Have you ever felt that way about anyone?” I had to ask realizing we never had girl talks before.

 

She shook her head, “Not like the two of you. Not worth those stakes.” She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “Would be nice to love like that though.” She said before turning to me, “I bet it feels incredible.”

 

I nodded, “The only thing I regret is not feeling it sooner.” I took a large sip of my drink, “Wasted years.”

 

“What stopped you?”

 

“Fear.” I replied, “I jumped the gun with a lot of relationships, fell too hard too soon. Mostly college and the academy. Maybe it was my youth; you fall in love hard, fast and then hit a wall. After a few concussions you really don’t want to hit that wall anymore.”

 

“So, what changed your mind?”

 

I shrugged, “There really wasn’t a particular time, event or place it just kind of happened. And you know. It will happen with you. You still have plenty of time.”

 

Monica smiled again and drank some more, looking down, looking sad.

 

“Are you ok?” I asked her concerned, “Please tell me it really was a coincidence that you ran into us tonight.

 

She shook her head, “It wasn’t.”

 

Fuck.

 

I replaced the glass with the bottle and began to chug.

 

I then heard a laugh.

 

And stopped chugging.

 

Removing the bottle from my lips I looked at her, “Why are you laughing?”

 

“I knew you were here, but only because I saw you guys three months ago by happenstance. It just took me three months to get the courage to go into that bar.”

 

I swallowed hard, “Courage?”

 

She nodded and looked away, “I just really missed you Dana. And when I saw the two of you, I just…well I think my heart honestly leapt.”

 

“You sound like a romance novel.” I said placing the bottle back on the nightstand.

 

Monica finished off her glass, “I know it sounds stupid and corny but there’s something about the two of you. It’s like this magical chemistry that you can feel. It’s cosmic. Being around you two I just feel it…I feel it everywhere.”

 

“Everywhere?”

 

She got up and began to pace around the bedroom, “I know you think I’m some kind of kook for believing the things I believe, and I don’t want to bring up the past but I just feel that something greater brought the two of you together for a purpose, and to create your son.”

 

“Stop!” I protested grabbing the glass again.

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“We don’t talk about him. Ever!” I said feeling the ache in my heart and the tears wanting to fall, “EVER.” I yelled again.

 

She nodded, “I’m sorry. I go on with my rambles; I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

I let out a large sigh and nodded, “I know you didn’t.”

 

I let go of the glass and ran my hands through my hair, “I just…I’ll never forget him. Or forgive myself, so the thought of him just…” I couldn’t continue speaking, out loud, it was too hard, too painful, the pain in my heart was too much to bear, “Can we change the subject please.” I said gripping my hair between my fingers, afraid if I pulled hard enough I’d rip it out.

 

“I’m sorry Dana.”

 

I looked up to see she was now sitting on the bed right next to me, I nodded, “I know you are.” I let my body fall over onto the middle of the bed onto Mulder’s pillow, “It’s just hard.”

 

Monica looked down at me and gave me a small smile, “How long have you been blonde?”

 

I shrugged, “Give or take eleven months. We went to some stylish salon in Phoenix, it took forever but that night Mulder made a joke that he had always wondered what it was like to fuck Barbie.”

 

“I can totally see that.” Monica said still looking at me.

 

“Are you ok?” I asked turning over on my back looking up at her.

 

She nodded, “Yeah. I’m alright; I just can’t get over how beautiful you are.”

 

“Do you have a thing for Barbie too?” I giggled.

 

She nodded

 

I stopped giggling.

 

Silence

 

Deadly silence.

 

I swallowed

 

I blinked

 

I didn’t know what to think.

 

“Monica?” I asked brushing the hair out of my face, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

 

“I hope I’m not offending you.”

 

“No. You’re not.” I looked away for a moment before returning my eyes to her, “Have you always felt this way?”

 

She nodded and looked down, “There were times, I wanted to say something, but I knew I couldn’t because I knew how much you missed Mulder and then you were gone.”

 

I seriously didn’t know what to think here, and the way she was looking at me made me feel funny…and it wasn’t a bad feeling, “Seriously?”

 

She nodded again.

 

“But I didn’t know you were…of that persuasion.”

 

“I’m not.” She said, “But there’s just something about you Dana. Like I said, it’s cosmic.”

 

My teeth proceeded to bite into my lower lip, hard, thinking about all Monica had just said to me. I didn’t know how to respond, I didn’t know what I was supposed to say or do.

 

“Have you ever been with a woman?” she asked

 

I shook my head, “I haven’t even been with that many men!” I answered honestly.

 

“It’s a beautiful experience.” She added, “It’s very different than being with a man. Women are just…softer.”

 

I didn’t mean to laugh but I did anyway. “Sorry.” I apologized covering my mouth with my hand.

 

She smiled and nodded, “I know it sounds funny, but I personally think it’s something every woman should experience at least once. You look at sex so differently.”

 

I’ll bet.

 

Monica placed her hand on my bare leg and a shiver went through my body, “Just once…” she said again.

 

My blood alcohol was way above the legal limit for driving, and at this point could I really be responsible for my own actions? It didn’t feel wrong, and given alcohol did make me insatiable I realized I could get the release I so desperately needed that I knew wouldn’t happen with the passed out lump downstairs.

 

I nodded and let her hand continue moving up as she lowered her body down on the bed facing me, her brown eyes staring into my own, “Would Mulder mind?” she asked tracing her fingers further up my thigh.

 

I slowly shook my head, “He’d want to tape it.” I said softly.

 

Monica smiled, “I’m ok with that.”

 

I closed my eyes as I felt her fingers moving closer to my center, my thighs instinctively spreading as her fingers touched the lips. I let out a small moan and felt my back arching as her breath felt closer. Her lips touching mine, causing shivers down my body as her fingers continued to stroke me. My lips parted and let her tongue slowly enter as the kiss deepened. She was right about the feeling it was so much softer than Mulder’s tongue, which of course I loved the feel of, but hers was less darting, gentle, as it teased mine.

 

“Open your eyes Dana.” She said softly after removing her lips from mine.

 

I did as she asked feeling as if I was under some spell and looked up at her.

 

“You can’t experience this with your eyes closed, they have to be open.” She said running her other hand down my chest, circling my breasts, “It’s the only way.”

 

I nodded as she leaned over to kiss me again, keeping my eyes open as her lips touched mine and unconsciously brought my hands to her head as the kiss deepened. My body loosened and when she parted from me again I groaned in disappointment.

 

Monica smiled and took my hand in hers, pulling me up to face her again. “If at any point you feel uncomfortable and want me to stop please tell me.” She said brushing her hands through my hair, “I would never want to do something you’d regret later.”

 

I shook my head, fully in the daze of everything I missed out on in college, “No, I want to do this.”

 

She nodded and moved her hands to the back of my neck, untying the dress and letting the straps fall slowly down my body, the air hitting my nipples and sending even more shivers down my body. She didn’t speak, only smiled at me before leaning forward and kissing my nipples before taking one between her lips softly suckling it and bringing sounds out of my mouth I didn’t even know were there. Grasping her head in my hands I moaned again and fell back onto the pillow, the mixture of the smell of the man I loved and this beautiful woman pleasuring me bringing me on the edge of passion I didn’t even know existed.

 

She continued to give my breasts and nipples the extra attention they needed as her hands moved to my dress pulling down what was left of it. I watched her as she sat up and pulled the dress off my pulsating body leaving me bare before her.

 

Yet another small giggle came out of my mouth.

 

“You really need to stop laughing.” She said seriously.

 

“I’m sorry.” I said bringing my hands to my flushed cheeks, “If he could see this. He’d die.”

 

“Maybe it’s a good thing he’s passed out then.” Monica said as she began to unbutton her sheer white blouse. “Or we could get the video camera.” She said as the blouse fell down her arms revealing a just as sheer bra, her dark nipples hardened under it.

 

“We don’t have one.” I said gravely

 

“Too bad.” She added as she unclasped the bra and let it fall onto her lap.

 

There was no going back. Not that I honestly wanted to. This was a different experience and I needed to do it, for myself so I could live my life with no regrets of what I missed out on. I liked Monica, a lot, she was there for me when no one else was, and maybe that’s why this felt right. It felt natural. I loved Mulder, I loved him with all my heart, but he would understand my need for this. He would join if he could. With that thought I sat up and this time took the lead and kissed Monica, not softly, but wanting, like I desired this, like I needed her. She giggled a little in my mouth and pushed me away, “Not so fast Dana, we take this slowly. I’m not a man, remember.”

 

I giggled as well and nodded, “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize.” she said pushing me slowly back onto the bed, now on my side lying down on my pillow. “I want this experience to be something you remember.” She said as she began to unbutton her slacks, “Just don’t pass out on me.”

 

“I won’t.”  I said grabbing Mulder’s pillow and replacing mine with it, needing the feel of it under my head.

 

She got up off the bed and removed her slacks, revealing black bikini panties which she then took off as well. Now there was a naked woman in my bedroom who wasn’t me. If I was ever going to freak out about this the time was now, but it didn’t happen, and I caught myself honestly gazing at the beauty hidden under her Liz Clairborne clothes.

 

“You’re beautiful.” I said softly as she returned to the bed.

 

She smiled and placed her hand on my belly, “Thank you.” She said softly as well, “Close your eyes now.”

 

I nodded and did as she asked. I felt her hands on my thighs as she slowly pushed them wider, her warm body in between them as I grabbed hold of the Laura Ashley bedspread and waited for what I knew was coming.

 

She was slow.

 

Methodical

 

Kissing the inside of my thighs as she moved upwards, and when her tongue touched my clitoris I felt shock waves through my body. I could feel her tongue tracing circles around my bud as my body withered under her. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, but feared I would awaken the great beast and right now at this point I didn’t want him to see us or join in. Taking hold of her head as I normally would with the man bellow, it felt different as I felt her head in my hands. Softer wasn’t the word, but just different as her tongue delicately teased my clit then traveled down between my lips darting playfully between them then running up and down each one. I ran my fingers through her hair as she continued this playful game of bringing me so close to completion then breaking away and kissing my thighs, the bareness above my clit, and tracing her fingers up and down my legs. She was making this last and there was a part of me that loved and hated her for it.

 

After what felt like endless hours of pleasure with torture she returned her attention to my aching center and more forcibly gave it the attention it so desperately needed as I felt the sensations coming over me. Her long dark locks intertwined in my fingers I began to pull at them as I felt my orgasm approaching, once again I wanted to scream in pleasure, but instead pulled at her hair as the sensations came over me, and even as they crashed and crashed she continued the game, my body withering as I continued to come like I had never come before. I let go of her hair and brought my hands to my head as the pleasure continued to pulsate through my body. Opening my eyes, I looked down watching as she tenderly kissed me, suckled my clit and traced her fingers up and down the insides of my thighs. My eyes were fixated on this as I watched my body wither under her, but she wouldn’t stop. I let my head fall back and looked up at the ceiling, now honestly wishing Mulder was here so he could take notes.

 

My body tensed and I felt a finger enter and my muscles tightened around it and I felt a larger wave come over me. Clenching my eyes shut as the tsunami of all orgasms came over me and this time I screamed, the scream of all screams came out over me and I didn’t care who heard it. When it passed my body began to tingle and I slowly opened my eyes to see Monica sitting up between my legs.

 

And Mulder at the door.

 

His eyes were wide.

 

His mouth agape

 

I felt turned on and guilty at the same time.

 

Monica gave a small smile and relaxed as she looked at Mulder.

 

He shook his head and entered the bedroom, closing the door behind him. “Well then…” he said leaning against it.

 

I had no words.

 

No words

 

Was this technically cheating?

 

I didn’t know.

 

Part of me wanted to apologize, part of me wanted to cry, another part of me didn’t give a shit what he thought.

 

Still in shock over, everything, I slowly pushed myself up into a sitting position, crossing my numb legs, putting my face in my hands, shaking my head, “I’m sorry.”

 

“For what?” Mulder asked.

 

I could hear him approaching the bed and felt his body lie down, “Can’t very well say I blame you.”

 

“What?” I said removing my hands from my head, looking down at him, “You’re serious? Or are you still drunk?”

 

“Both.” He said looking up at me, “You’re too fucking hot not to share…well…” he looked at Monica, “Within reason.”

 

Monica bit her lower lip and looked down at me, “It was incredible.”

 

“See.” Mulder shrugged, “And watching you…well…” he sighed loudly, “Mental images to last a lifetime.”

 

I couldn’t honestly believe what I was hearing, and frankly wanted to slap him.

 

“Don’t be embarrassed Dana.” Monica said softly, “I really wanted this to happen, and it did, like I said, I have this cosmic feeling when I’m around the two of you and I’m thankful I got to experience it with at least one of you.”

 

“Huh?” Mulder said sitting up, “I’m sober.”

 

My eyes darted back and forth, “You mean…both of us?”

 

The wicked smile on Mulder’s face grew as he looked at me, “You don’t have to get me anything for my birthday this year.”

 

I closed my eyes and dropped my head, “I don’t know.”

 

“Sara would.” He continued

 

I sighed

 

Opened my eyes.

 

Looked around the room. The beautiful Parisian bedroom I decorated with flowers, and beautiful photos of Paris and the man next to me wanted a three way.

 

I shouldn’t have been surprised.

 

I sighed again.

 

“Hand me the bottle.” I said to him.

 

Like a giddy school boy, he grabbed the wine bottle and handed it to me. Grasping the top, I brought it to my lips and downed every last ounce of the grape liquid that allowed my mind and body to do things they would never do before. After it was empty I placed it on my nightstand and turned back to him, “Consider this your Christmas present too.” I said pushing him back down on the bed and straddling him instantly.

 

“Who needs Santa when I have two hot chics in my bed?” He quipped back.

 

I rolled my eyes and proceeded to pull his shirt off as he still lay on his back, a move by now I was sincerely very good at. Monica had moved over to my side of the bed and was sitting on her knees watching as I undressed the hyper active man under me. I felt like I was in the middle of a bad porno as I pulled his boxers off finding him once again at attention and as I stared down at him I felt an overwhelming feeling I had never felt before. I looked up at Monica who was watching me, and suddenly no longer felt like the woman who could only have sex with the lights off, who occasionally had moments on the floor, on a copy machine, on a desk, but all in all was not very open with her sexuality. Who that very night honestly did have her first public sex experience, and her first experience with another woman. I was thirty-nine years old, there were a lot of things I wanted to do before I was forty, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect the events of tonight to be a part of that list. And now I was going to add a third.

 

I felt frozen in time as two sets of eyes were looking at me, waiting for me to direct them where to go. What to do.

 

“Mulder…” I said softly my voice choking on his name.

 

I heard a small groan as he sat up, “Yeah?”

 

“I want to do this.” I said looking at him, directly in the eyes.

 

He nodded but the ridiculous grin from before was gone.

 

“But just with Monica.”

 

He nodded again.

 

“Two years from now I don’t want you to see some hot girl at a bar and think we can take her home.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Because I love you. Only you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“But I need to do this.”

 

I expected that stupid grin to return but it didn’t. Instead he sat up and placed his hand behind my head bringing my lips to his in what had to be the softest most gentle kiss I ever received from him. As he parted from me a smile emerged again, “We probably won’t remember in the morning anyway.”

 

“Yes, I will.” I said looking at Monica. “I’ll always remember.”

 

She smiled and looked down at Mulder. “Me too.”

 

By habit alone I leaned over and took his cock in my hand, sliding it up and down as he lay back down closing his eyes, “You’re going to want to keep those open, sir.” I said smiling back at him before taking his cock in my mouth, closing my eyes and remembering how much I loved the feel of it squirming like a caught fish. Teasing the head with my tongue as my mouth moved up and down, tickling his balls as he groaned under me. I didn’t want to do this long, I needed him inside of me, but as I opened my eyes I saw him kissing Monica, and the normal feelings of jealousy and rage that I would expect to feel in this situation turned to lust as I watched his hands move through her hair, the kiss deepening as I let go of his cock and sat up feeling intrigued with the visions before me.

 

But I honestly didn’t know what to do now. Monica was on her knees, kissing my man, and I was sitting here doing nothing feeling like the odd man out. And I wanted to play.

 

I leaned over to them and took hold of Mulder’s ear lobe in between my teeth, gently biting to get his attention. He broke from Monica and as I sat back up our eyes locked and he nodded like he knew what I was thinking. Which was odd because I didn’t even know what I was thinking.

 

But I wanted to be with her.

 

Again

 

But this time I wanted to know what it was like.

 

Tucking my hair behind my ears I looked at Monica, “Lie down.” I asked.

 

Mulder looked intrigued.

 

I realized I couldn’t look at him during this.

 

Monica nodded and lay down in the middle of the bed, next to Mulder who sat up and moved over next to me, then behind me taking my breasts in his hands and squeezing them. I closed my eyes and moaned into him as he began to kiss my neck, then nibble on it the way I loved, making me so wet I thought I’d come from touch alone. The more he nibbled and squeezed the more comfortable I became as I opened my eyes looking down at Monica as she lay before me, her brown nipples hard, my pink ones being pinched, this felt so fucking unbelievable it should be illegal.

 

Leaning down, as his hands left my breasts and moved to my waist I knelt down before Monica, looking down at her and softly kissing the plateau between her breasts. One hand still on my waist I felt another one moving down my back to my center, spreading the moist lips with his fingers and rubbing them back and forth. I moaned and pushed into him as my lips moved to one of her taut nipples, taking it in my mouth and hearing her moan just made me moan more as Mulder’s fingers continued to slide in and out of me.

 

Letting go of the delicate nipple I moved down, forcing Mulder to back up as well but he didn’t seem to care, and positioned myself above her. It was now, it was new, and I wasn’t scared.

 

I pushed her legs apart and leaned over, softly kissing the area above her clit as his fingers began to fuck me harder. The hard bud was calling to me as I slowly moved my tongue over it and watching the reaction it brought out of Monica. She moaned and grabbed at the bedspread and I imagined this is how I looked when she was pleasuring me and the thought sent ripples through my body.

 

I licked it again.

 

She moaned louder.

 

The fingers worked faster and I knew I needed more than that.

 

“Fuck me Mulder.” I said arching my back and looking up at the ceiling,

 

He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead and I closed my eyes and returned my tongue to its new playground. As I began to lap at the areas around her center I felt the head of Mulder’s shaft tease the inside of me before easily gliding it in. I moaned into Monica’s and she moaned in return grabbing my head between her hands. I honestly felt outside my own body as Mulder held on to my waist fucking me from behind as I tasted my first woman and wondered if it would become an addiction. Running my tongue around the lips, loving the feel of the bumps against my tongue I felt an entirely new sensation run through my body as I tasted every inch of her sweetness and ached for more. I didn’t want to tease her, make her wait like she did to me, I wanted her to come, and I wanted to feel her she pulsated against my mouth. I drew circles with my tongue around the little bud as I felt Mulder move a hand to my clit, his finger emulating what I was doing with my tongue. I began to work faster, my tongue working in tune with Mulder’s oh so wonderful fingers, feeling my muscles tighten around his cock as the ripples ran through my body. Monica’s grip on my head tightened and as she thrust herself against my mouth, she screamed and I felt my own body crashing and arched my back again as I felt Mulder’s other hand return to my waist with one last thrust as he moaned against me as well. It was like a scene out of a crappy movie, but the fact we all climaxed at once was not lost on me. As my body relaxed and I looked down a Monica, smiling up at me.

 

Maybe it was cosmic.

 

Mulder fell down on the bed on his back, staring up at the ceiling, a glow about him I had never seen before, this was an entirely different experience for us. And it actually made me love him more.

 

Leaning over I kissed him deeply on the mouth and ran my hand up and down his chest, after parting from his lips I smiled down at him, “Never expected that from me, did you?”

 

He shook his head, “Never.”

 

“I’m not done.” I grinned back.

 

“Huh?” Mulder asked groggily sitting up, “What do you mean?”

 

I ran my hands through his hair and shook my head, “I don’t know, but I want you to fuck Monica.”

 

He gulped.

 

Monica sat up, “Really?”

 

“You sound surprised.” I said to her.

 

“I…am.” She replied

 

“It’s one night.” I said to Monica, and then turned back to Mulder, “And I want to watch.”

 

I looked down at the flaccid little Mulder I adored and smiled, “When you’re, up for it?”

 

Mulder blinked at me, “Only if you’re sure.”

 

I nodded, “She made me climax like I’ve never felt before, and you deserve to know what that feels like.”

 

I didn’t know who was doing the talking for me, but it was me, and all coming out of my mouth and in this instant in this bed, I just wanted to forget who I really was. Tomorrow I’d go back to being Dana Katherine Scully with the medical degree and the permanent stick up her ass, tonight I was Sara Johnson, drunken real-life Barbie doll.

 

I left them alone to get more wine, catching a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror and felt a radiance about me I never felt before. Mulder wasn’t my first, not by a sad long shot, but he was the first man I took my time getting to know before letting myself be with. For that reason alone, he was special and would always be with me, but tonight I was letting go of the part of me afraid to take risks and challenges. Sure, to some it was just sex, but to me it was opening the doors to a world of possibilities and not fearing what was behind those doors.

 

I returned with another bottle of merlot and another glass, and noticed it was not even midnight. I poured the fermented goodness into the three glasses and handed two to Monica and Mulder. Sitting down on the edge of the bed as we quietly drank away our inhibitions.

 

The clock struck Midnight.

 

The bottle was empty.

 

And I knew what I needed.

 

I nodded at Mulder and he nodded back looking over at Monica and shrugging, “I have to do whatever she wants.”

 

Monica smiled and nodded, “I totally understand.”

 

I smiled and sat down in the chair next to the bed. My nice Persian chair that cost two hundred dollars I was sitting in to watch the man I loved make love to another woman.

 

I was getting hotter at the thought of it.

 

Mulder turned back to me, “Are you sure about this?”

 

“Have at her my man.” I said not realizing how stupid it sounded till I said it.

 

He obviously didn’t care and leaned over kissing Monica. Kissing her the way he kissed me and watching him do it was such a complete turn on. My fingers ran down to my oh so tired clit and began to rub at it, watching him as he moved his fingers down to hers, continuing to kiss her as he used his fingers to tease her. I wanted him to hurry, because I wanted him again, but I didn’t want to interrupt so I continued to pleasure myself. My eyes closing as I pictured what was happening, but finding myself unable to really open my eyes to see. Completely in my own head-space, I moaned and tossed my legs over the arms of the chair and moved my fingers down to my center, shoving one, then two, deep inside as my mind completely fixated on his beautiful shaft moving in and out of her. I went with a third finger as the visions catapulted me to another hemisphere of pleasure. Self pleasure I had never before felt. I dreamed of what Mulder would feel like inside of me for years, often finding myself awake in the morning with my hands in my panties. As my journey of mental pleasure pushed me closer and closer to completion, I felt a hand removing my fingers and a very familiar member taking their place. I opened my eyes to see Mulder looking down at me.

 

He smiled and leaned before me, kissing me on the ear before whispering, “I only want you.”

 

I moaned and pushed my center into him, he wrapped his arms around my back stood up and turned around, putting me back on the bed, my bed, and continuing to make love to me as I locked my legs around his waist. Monica crawled over and kissed me soft and deep on the lips as she parted she smiled again, “Thank you Dana.” She said.

 

“Sara…” I moaned arching my back and grabbing my breasts, squeezing the nipples.

 

She shook her head again, “No, this is Dana.” She said brushing my hair out of my face, “This is the real you. Don’t forget it.” She said before kissing me again and getting up off the bed.

 

My eyes closed again but I could hear her grabbing her clothes and leaving the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

 

I wanted to cry.

 

But I didn’t.

 

She wasn’t gone forever. She was a big part of my life with Mulder, and without him. I needed her then, and I needed her now. And when I came, I came as a new person. The new Dana, who loved Fox and would spend the rest of her life with him and now wasn’t afraid to take chances and try new things. Knowing he would be by my side through all of them.

 

Mulder climaxed silently and when he was done he picked me up in his arms carried me to my side of the bed and lay me down on my back. He then walked over to his own side and turned off the light lying on his side looking at me and smiling. I turned to my side as well, the moonlight shining on his delicate eyes.

 

“What?” I asked.

 

He shook his head, “Nothing.”

 

“Seriously what?” I asked playfully hitting him in the chest.

 

“Just, thank you for that.”

 

I bit my lower lip and nodded, “You’re welcome.”

 

“There’s just one thing bothering me.” He continued moving closer to me.

 

“What?” I asked intrigued.

 

“I wish we had a video camera.”


End file.
